poemo

I hope that misery comes with a reward
I hope that love comes on it's own accord
I wish you the best, and only the best
I wish I could tell you the rest

I can't tell you, it's inside of me forever
with the knowledge we can never be together
So near to each other physically, emotionally a death bed
So unrested, you can talk to me, but not love me

It's her, I know it's her that's keeping you from me
Let go! Let go! It's time to let it be
You love her but never is she to be me
So compared so unfair so here comes misery

So fly far away from me
So I don't have to walk on tainted grass
I know that time has passed
But please know I need to be

Red and Blue Make Violent

Red, black, blue and fierce.
Those are the true colors of the American Flag. The actual definition of America is undefined like the square root of negative one.
Or maybe it has an identity only of the imagined, or of the ill minded. We come from a world of rape, murder, homicide, stereotypes and string-beans.
Skinny. Tall. Fat. Sick. Addicted. Insecure. Crazy. Medicated. Over- rated. Sedated. Invaded. Toxicated. Violent.

We come from a world of freedom, that you can buy at the Black Market, for a monthly payment of your soul.
The world where if a man gets on his knees he's proposing. If a woman gets on her knees she's imposing.
The world where cheating is how you maintain a perfect marriage.
The world where society is all addicted to and opposed to the illegal things

The world where asking questions doesn't always make you wise.
And school is just another way to compromise
Where does the time go when you're standing so still you can feel gravity
And to answer everything would just prove your insanity

Red White and Blue, label the American flag
But the purity is destroyed through 'the bigger the better', and if you wait too long you might miss out
Take out the white, and you will find it is true
Red and Blue Make Violent

damn lost the inspiration...

What now
It's the dying cloud
At first glimpse you notice a sudden tinge of ghost
But as it leaves you wonder where to go from here
Blank space allows everywhere and nowhere to go

At the same time, you can choose to be
forever to part from society
A commodity...so fondle me
Take care of all that's left with your gift
of dying presence

Leave the rich to feed their peasants
but you never left me
Leave everyday by sea
but you never left me
Always a part of you will forever be

Morning time, and it's there again
Like a long lost friend
Just beyond the coastline
lies the one and only
Dying cloud

Would you ever go to the end of the world and back? Do anything for one person? Even share with other girls as long as you get them to yourself for one night ? I would. I care too much about someone who wouldn't look twice at me. I feel a strong connection but apparently he doesn't I would do anything to relive those 3 nights. I am still confused why he did it or what his intentions were but I don't regret anything. I just want him to be happy. I feel like he's mad at me or hates me. I really just want these feelings to go away and stop dreaming about him. I can't take it anymore. His presence makes me so happy and I automatically feel butterflies when he's gone I miss him. When he ignores me I miss what it was like before I messed things up. I just want to apologize for everything. For not being real to myself and for my emotions. I really hate this. Make it stop. I want him to be my best friend. I am in limerence I am falling into a deeper hole. I want to drink to smoke to just get things off my mind.

The best things in life aren't things

This quote really made me think about what is the most important non-thing in life. I think of friends, family, and dare I say it- love, but in this day and age it seems like love is delusional, it's become more materialistic than ever. With constantly changing yourself to fit a certain mold, or getting plastic surgery to look good, and constantly buying presents for valentines day and anniversaries it all adds up to just another investment. Honestly that's all relationships are-investments, or more like a casino, you put a bunch of money in and hope you get lucky.
I believe that we all are the generation of instant gratification, if we can't get it right away then we move on and find a better deal, a bigger wheel, a faster computer...a better partner. If we can't maintain the impossible, we go insane. We are the generation of change, how could we possibly live with the same person like our parents did, if we can't even live with ourselves? We are all constantly changing with the time. Constantly trying to look or feel better, trying to fit in. Throwing a fit if we can't fit into our old clothes..maybe we should try to fit in our own skin, and become comfortable with ourselves.
So what are we really doing when we try to be this unattainable beauty? We are conforming ourselves to the lie, and becoming deeply rooted in a materialistic love of a plastic pretty. This is deceiving for men who think what we look like is who we are, and who we are is revolved around make up and looking good. If there's no point in having a deep conversation who could blame them for only wanting sex? That's what we have become, a product of a product, used by men for pleasure.
And men have the uglier half of this whole dating thing- they pay for the plastic. Whether it's teddy bears, movies, dinners-their wallets are screaming. If a girl could pay attention for something other than their hot looking selves maybe they could pay for the bill. Guys also have to listen to us whine about how horrible our day went, and how Becky's hair looks better than mine bla bla bla. It's because we are so self-conscious about ourselves that we think guys won't keep us around too long. And we give ourselves up for love. But we are doing it all wrong, unless all guys want is sex we should probably develop a personality and some tolerance for ugly, because it's gonna hit us all eventually.
Are we really just all products of products? Are we to blame for this consumer-driven love? I think so. We are all doomed in the end.

The emo effect at the end added some comic relief i thought.


I kinda go on tangents... it might be random, but it's just my mind on paper and I'm already scatter-brained.

some poetry

I see the bridge
I feel the stream
I hear the distance
Of my dream

The sun is setting into the past
Memories and now, united
One could call it deja vu
I walk in uninvited

Look now and forever see
The darkness in disguise
Look never and pretend to be
Forgotten truths are lies

Where do you come in?
With a hole in your basket
collecting eyes for your sins?
or trying your hardest to mask it.

My heart is chained
My feet bound
Would you call me insane?
If I leave this place without a sound?

It's your decision
It's your excuse
Don't dissect my vision
Put your mind to better use

Ten Reasons Why You're Fat

Ten Reasons Why You’re Fat

Face it, the girl in the mirror is staring back at you with doughnuts for eyes. No seriously there must be something terribly wrong with your vision. I swear to you, she’s there that girl with the succulent sugar fever, sweating gravy. I know you watch her every day.

In fact that block you invested in with the numbers doesn’t even work. I bet you abuse that thing like you abused your dog. That’s right, I know about Sparky- down girl. It startles me how unaware you are of the real world. And no, I am not referencing to reality T.V. shows, ok now I am. See I just caught you off guard again.

So what size are you? Are you a 10 for perfect? I bet you are. I am. Lucky 7. I am proud to be a ginger, I mean muffin, who makes up these things anyways? Why are girls always referenced as food? Well food doesn’t eat food so I guess girls shouldn’t eat food either.

Hi, your name’s Cookie right? I would like to try you out sometime. You seem like a nice person. Call me, and we’ll talk. By the way, I like long walks inside my mouth.

Ok, so first off let me tell you the most cliché line of all time, “You’re not fat!” I really think we should replace it with “I love you.” So when a boy whispers so erotically in your ear almost in a whisper, “Guess what…You’re not fat J.” You say you’re not fat too! And then hug kiss makeout.

Fat life is happy life. Non-fat life is animal cruelty. I bet they put the non-fat milk cows on diets of only grass. I would personally love to feed a cow Wendy’s. Well Jesus did it, he bled for wine and bread, so cows can have their cow god right? Dig right in Moo-ses.

u r so hot, Id tap tht bt thn Ill leave u for a skinnier chix with biger boobs, fair enough I’ll leave you for a guy that actually has a dick. * leaves truck * .

I love you Cinderella, but you’re too much of a neat freak for me. You also disappear when you turn sideways. I would personally go for the fairy godmother. Baby got back.

Hello reality, would you like to be my best friend? No, because facebook is not reality. And I like that better. With facebook, I can lift my chin just right so that my fat doesn’t show. There picture perfect.

Fine you ARE FAT. I bet you hate that word because fat is woman backwards. I bet you hate society because it’s not there to support you. I bet you hate life because it’s not fat, and doesn’t know what it feels like to have the urge to fit into skinny jeans.

life is blank.

Life is... well.. life just is at the moment. I see a problem here it is 1:35 am and I have a 9am class tomorrow, oh the joy.

Life is ___. whatever you want to make of it. I love my life I have a living, I have friends, I have everything i could possibly ask for, yet I am still a little upset.

It's kinda like that song lucky by brittney spears, "she is so lucky but why does she cry?"

I know that I shouldn't be upset because I have everything, yet at the same time I feel nothing. I feel like I want to love someone and take care of them, I am done with assholesp, I want to actually find a decent guy that no matter what happens I will be ridiculously in love with him.

But of course this never happens in real life. Guys who want to have a relationship are already in one, or just not my type, or assholes, which sucks.

All guys start off with the same words and end with the same lies. "I will prove those other guys wrong, and what an asshole he was, I won't do that to you." I feel like I should take your words and just dump them into a magic 8 ball and ask it everyday if I should believe you.

No more toying around. I know it's real, I know it's out there, and I want to find it. So take it, take another little piece of my heart baby.

All I gotta say is Don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option.