Ten Reasons Why You're Fat

Ten Reasons Why You’re Fat

Face it, the girl in the mirror is staring back at you with doughnuts for eyes. No seriously there must be something terribly wrong with your vision. I swear to you, she’s there that girl with the succulent sugar fever, sweating gravy. I know you watch her every day.

In fact that block you invested in with the numbers doesn’t even work. I bet you abuse that thing like you abused your dog. That’s right, I know about Sparky- down girl. It startles me how unaware you are of the real world. And no, I am not referencing to reality T.V. shows, ok now I am. See I just caught you off guard again.

So what size are you? Are you a 10 for perfect? I bet you are. I am. Lucky 7. I am proud to be a ginger, I mean muffin, who makes up these things anyways? Why are girls always referenced as food? Well food doesn’t eat food so I guess girls shouldn’t eat food either.

Hi, your name’s Cookie right? I would like to try you out sometime. You seem like a nice person. Call me, and we’ll talk. By the way, I like long walks inside my mouth.

Ok, so first off let me tell you the most cliché line of all time, “You’re not fat!” I really think we should replace it with “I love you.” So when a boy whispers so erotically in your ear almost in a whisper, “Guess what…You’re not fat J.” You say you’re not fat too! And then hug kiss makeout.

Fat life is happy life. Non-fat life is animal cruelty. I bet they put the non-fat milk cows on diets of only grass. I would personally love to feed a cow Wendy’s. Well Jesus did it, he bled for wine and bread, so cows can have their cow god right? Dig right in Moo-ses.

u r so hot, Id tap tht bt thn Ill leave u for a skinnier chix with biger boobs, fair enough I’ll leave you for a guy that actually has a dick. * leaves truck * .

I love you Cinderella, but you’re too much of a neat freak for me. You also disappear when you turn sideways. I would personally go for the fairy godmother. Baby got back.

Hello reality, would you like to be my best friend? No, because facebook is not reality. And I like that better. With facebook, I can lift my chin just right so that my fat doesn’t show. There picture perfect.

Fine you ARE FAT. I bet you hate that word because fat is woman backwards. I bet you hate society because it’s not there to support you. I bet you hate life because it’s not fat, and doesn’t know what it feels like to have the urge to fit into skinny jeans.